What is the Binge-Eating Gremlin?
Do you find yourself frustrated that most of the time you’re trying to ‘eat well’ or avoid binging, but then at a random moment, you completely lose all resolve and before you know it, you’re overeating? When it happens, it can feel mindless or as if someone else has hijacked your brain. It can be so frustrating because in your ‘normal’ state, you know you don’t want to overeat or binge. It impacts your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Yet, each day, you resolve to stop. However, time and time again, seemingly without warning, you’re back in an overeating trance.
One way to understand this is by acknowledging that there is a side of you, or a small part of you, that does want to binge. Let’s give it a name to help you work with it – perhaps the Binge-Eating Gremlin.
What purpose does the Binge-Eating Gremlin serve?
Human beings are complex. We all have developed different ways of coping with life. One of the big difficulties we humans struggle with is unpleasant emotional states and the desire to pursue pleasure and fun. This is totally okay and normal! But because the behaviour of these sides of us can cause feelings of guilt or shame, we try to disconnect from or disown these parts of ourselves.
Think about it this way – if you’re reading my blog, your shameful behaviour or ‘gremlin’ side likely has something to do with losing control of your relationship with food. It really could be anything, such as smoking, excessive pornography use, drinking, using drugs, or excessive online shopping. And yes, these behaviours can be harmful to our health or relationships. However, ignoring them means that we tend to banish them from our conscious minds. Then, when a trigger or impulse arises, we get triggered into a mindless or dissociative space to engage in the behaviour. The trick is to acknowledge that regardless of how unhelpful or damaging the behaviour is, it tries to meet a physical or psychological need. These needs can include soothing stress, calming our nervous system, or giving us a break from work or family stress.
So instead of trying to banish your binge-eating gremlin, I suggest an alternative approach. I want you to think about befriending it. This might sound a bit weird – it’s not like you want this gremlin to stick around, right? But hear me out and consider some of my top tips on how to do this. You might find the power and frequency of this part of you showing up and ruining your day dramatically reduces.
Five steps to managing the Binge-Eating Gremlin
Step 1 – Notice
Start to be aware of when your binge gremlin shows up. Instead of just resolving to banish it and push it away, consider why it decided to pay a visit. Were you tired, hungry, stressed out, bored, or did you need some self-care at the end of the day? Was it because you had an argument with your partner? Think about what it says to you, perhaps it makes excuses about over-eating or downplays the negative impacts it has:
- “Stuff it, you’ve had a bad day, you deserve a treat”
- “Just eat it now, you can start eating better tomorrow”
- “Nothing ever changes, so you might as well have the food you want”
- “It doesn’t matter”
Step 2 – Identify the need
Think about the need it’s serving, such as giving you energy, caring for you, helping you procrastinate, making you feel calm, or being a bit rebellious.
Step 3 – Reduce shame
De-shame the need. It’s legitimate – we all need to have fun, feel free from control, and engage in self-care.
Step 4 – Reason with the gremlin
Talk back and reason with the gremlin, “Thanks so much for trying to help me, but you’re getting in the way of my longer-term mental and physical health. I can have something to eat, particularly if I’m hungry, or feel like something tasty. I can meet that need, but perhaps I can meet this need in another way.” Or “Look when I listen to you are end up feeling rubbish later and you don’t really solve my problems long-term. I want to try to practice new ways of taking care of myself.”
Step 5 – Meet the need
Meet the need that the gremlin is asking for. Have a rest, eat a meal, do something relaxing, or get a small part of a task done that you’re been avoiding.
In conclusion, my key message is that there’s nothing shameful about having a binge-eating gremlin. Please respect and listen to it – it’s often a mouthpiece for your emotions and needs. Instead of banishing it, pay attention to it and have compassion for the fact it exists. This should slowly reduce the guilt and shame about binging. Ironically, you will find you will start looking after your needs and well-being more, and your need to turn to food reduces without having to exert willpower!
Posted: 29th October 2023
